Millie No 5

Oh dear. This is an example of what happens when editors get hold of a script and it all goes wrong. This was squidged together from two scripts I originally wrote and to my (possibly hypercritical) mind it just doesn't ring true. Richard speech in panel three comes out all garbled, the compression of two weeks of story into five panels destroys all sense of Richard's anguish at being in an urban wasteland, while Millie's speech balloon in panel five is just embarrassing. I can understand the need to shoehorn her in, this early into the strip's run, but using the word 'Div'??? Honestly!

In retrospect I should have requested a redraw, but I wasn't confident enough to do that then.

Thankfully this was an isolated example. My material still got rewritten occasionally but the editors normally improved on what I had written, tightening it up and making it clearer.

Here are the original scripts:

W E E K   S I X

1. Two removal men, one the same as in the previous week's cartoon, the other in an Iron Maiden T shirt, ripped jeans and no fixed haircut, younger than the first, attempt to get a bulky sofa (MFI, late 70s) in through the front door of the new house. First they try it lengthways, but it won't go in.
SFX: DONK

2. Then they try sideways...
SFX: DONK

3. Then they try turning it upright, but one of the arms won't get past the lintel.
SFX: DONK

4. Millie and Richard stare aghast at the remnants of the front doorway now the sofa has gone through. There are missing brick either side of the door frame (which has had to be totally destroyed) in the vague shape of a sofa. The open door hangs in two halves from whatever hinges are left.
MILLIE: TRUST US TO HAVE A SIZE NINE HOUSE AND A SIZE TEN SOFA!

5. They walk indoors, past the remains of the door, and pick their way thru the chaos of boxes and furniture that hasn't found a home yet.
RICHARD: THIS HOUSE IS A DISASTER! I'M GOING TO CHECK OUT...

6. Richard has just walked out into the garden, and is shocked by what he sees. It's all been concreted over. We see a tatty tarmac backyard and the back of the house, an open back door, the kitchen window, a maze of plumbing, a coal bunker... and no plant life at all.
RICHARD: ...THE GARDEN.

7. Richard walks into the house again with a single weed in a pot. He has a dazed expression on his face. Millie is trying to unpack some records, but looks over her shoulder at him.
RICHARD: THIS WEED LOOKED RATHER LONELY OUT THERE SO I THOUGHT I'D BRING IT IN WITH US.

W E E K   S E V E N

1. This strip is effectively a monologue by Richard, who is having one of his turns. Exterior. Urban. Wide staring eyes and hand on forehead.
RICHARD: ALL THIS BRICK AND STONE!!

2. Richard pushes with both arms against the sides of the frame as if they were closing in on him.
RICHARD: THE CITY IS HEMMING ME IN ON ALL SIDES...

3. Richard is running for his life.
RICHARD: I MUST ESCAPE!

4. Richard looks up at an advertising poster with a lush sylvan scene on it. It would look like he really was in the countryside - only the countryside doesn't peel and consist of weatherboard below knee level.
RICHARD: THE COUNTRYSIDE IS CALLING!!

5. Long shot of roundabout in the middle of a busy traffic intersection. Richard is seen sitting self-consciously on the scrubby island in the middle while the traffic circulates around him.
RICHARD: WELL, LET'S FACE IT, RICHARD, THIS IS AS CLOSE AS YOU'RE GOING TO GET...