Chairs

This isn't just for cats - this for anyone that has had a sister.

My dad used to have that blue swivel chair when I was a kid. After seeing an episode of Doctor Who (Terror of the Autons - Jon Pertwee -1971) where the Master made one of those chairs wrap around a victim and suffocate him using his tissue compressor, I refused to sit in it for two whole years, despite its tempting swivelliness.

Lost in bed

We have one of those memory foam matresses. My wife loves it - while I’ve grown to accept it over the years. Given the choice, I’d just have a futon and a duvet - nice and simple and hard as a steel plate under a layer of cotton. But that's not going to happen.

Zt!

I wish my cats could do this. Instead they rampage around the front room chasing after anything that flutters or buzzes, sending DVD cases, photo frames and ornaments flying. Heaven knows what's going to happen when we get to Daddy Long Legs season in a few weeks time...

Not half!

Originally published 5 January 2010

The first comment I ever got for this strip was from someone questioning my use of the phrase 'don't half', a common British usage. "You don't half have some interesting dreams" translates as "You have some very interesting dreams" - or to put it another way, your dreams are not just 50% interesting, they're 100% interesting.

From Webster's:

2 Brit, informal — used to emphasize a statement or description
▪ She doesn't half swear! [=she swears a lot]
▪ It's not half cold today! [=it is very cold today]
▪ “Is it cold out?” “Not half!” [=yes, it is very cold]

Sleep

Originally published 3 January 2010

Gary McKee of Police Limit* has pointed out that one of Smith's USPs is that it's about cats being cats. Their behaviour is entirely consistent with that of cats in the real world.

Well, mostly. You have to ignore the piano playing, unicycling, painting, and surfing the internet to a certain extent, but that sort of thing is allowed in comics. In the main they behave like ordinary domestic cats, and a lot of the strip is inspired by the cats I've shared my life with over the years.

Gary's strip is excellent, by the way - if you've ever wanted to know what the average cop on the corner of the street is thinking, this will show you. It portrays the frustrations of being a police officer in a system that appears to be skewed against ever getting anything worthwhile done. Liberals like me have a tendency to portray those of a more authoritarian bent as unthinking little Hitlers - this strip shows how far off the mark we can be.

Klonk

 The other option for Jones is, of course, the patented 'I meant to do that' look that all cats are taught at kittenhood.

...aaaand rest

We'll be sleeping all weekend, but we'll be back with more madness on Monday...

Back up

I always find the best way to gently persuade a cat that has fallen asleep on top of you to move is to stroke it on the back until it's tail and bottom is so far up in the air that it has no choice but to stand up. 

Nap attack!

Yes, it's the real Smudge! I've been trying to get a photo of her asleep in this position for ages but up to now she's always woken up as soon as she hears a camera approaching.

Crank crank crank

Do I detect a running joke starting here?

Bonnnnnggggg!

This is the sound my Mac makes when it starts up.

Repeat as necessary

This is very much a remix of the one on the stairs from a few months back, but made more general. We've no doubt all seen this happen. Gizmo is the current master of the art of falling asleep and letting his head drop lower and lower until his nose touches the floor. And then he stays there, still fast asleep. I don't know how he does it.

Print this strip out. Then cut the strip out and make a loop, with the first frame continuing on from where the last frame ends. Rotate the strip and read. The cycle will never end. Repeat as necessary.

I've got a luvverley bunch of coconuts

There is a long tradition of cockney music. I won't try to explain, Bill Bailey has done a far better job of it already. You can see it here. And here.

The 3am pummel

Dedicated to Gizmo, the reason for more sleepless nights than I care to mention. He'll wait till Linda and I are both asleep before launching himself onto the bed. Then he'll work his way between us, chirruping all the while. Then he'll start pummelling, with his claws out. It's at this point that I have to wrestle him off us, and he retreats to the foot of the bed. A quarter of an hour later he starts moving up the bed and the cycle begins again. Repeat until dawn.

The trumpet in the fourth frame was never scripted but the idea occurred to me as I was drawing the strip, and it was too good to ignore.

Sleep working

I've never seen cats bring their work with them to the realm of dreams, but I can certainly vouch for it happening in humans.

Case No. 1, my Dad. He used to be a driving instructor, spending most of his time in the passenger seat trying to teach hill starts to learner drivers of assorted abilities. I can remember him falling asleep in his armchair one Sunday afternoon. Nothing unusual there, you may think. It was when he yelled "No! No! No!" and then stabbed with his foot at a phantom dual-controlled brake pedal, waking himself up, that we realised something was wrong.

Similarly, I once had an old girlfriend, who was a schoolteacher, give me a history lecture on Canadian/US diplomacy and warfare in the 19th century in her sleep. And my wife, Linda, frequently reverts back to when she was a nurse in the Burns Unit at Covenant, Lubbock, when she's asleep, reeling off lists of painkillers and drug schedules for the patients under her care.

Linda tells me I chuckle in my sleep. Maybe I'm dreaming up ideas for Smith. I wish I could remember them afterwards.

Dreams

If you've ever watched your cat twitch her way through a particularly stimulating bit of REM sleep, have you ever wondered what they're dreaming of? Smith certainly has.