Cow

A joke that was topical six months ago when I wrote it, and still keeps on leaping into topicality as foodstuff after foodstuff turns out not to be what we thought it was. Tesco's lasagne, IKEA meatballs - even the Queen's dinner at the Ascot races turned out to contain horse. And I'm left worrying what all the fuss is about.

I am one of those disgusting people that eats meat. Let's face it, it is in its basic state a dead animal - so long as it's not poisonous and fairly palatable I'm not too fussy what it is. We've been eating horse for years now and we're only upset about it because we now know that's what it is. For me it's not a health issue, it's just one of labelling.

If I was a cat I'd be more worried that among the ingredients listed on the side of a tin of cat food is something called 'Ash'. Mmmm, that sounds tasty.