Direction

Originally published 21 July 2010

Maybe if Jones had been facing backwards she’d have more control over that ball. Think about it, in order to go in one direction, Jones would need to be facing the other way. It’s an elementary mistake, but one that Rory in The Barn made as well.

Is this one of mine?

Originally published 19 July 2010

The next three strips were based on ones I originally did in the 1980s. At the time I was just doing the strips for my own pleasure and I didn’t have any qualms about nicking other people’s jokes, after all my audience at the time was just the other people at school. I’ve taken especial care when  reusing these old gags to make sure none of the steals have been repeated.

But in the case of this one, I don’t know if this was a borrowing or not? I know it was based on an old Peanuts cartoon of Snoopy trying to stand on top of a beach ball, and, having succeeded, not being able to get off it again. But something has been nagging at me. I can’t be sure that this development from that simple idea was actually my own. I’ve done extensive research but I can’t find anything similar to this in the work of Schulz or anyone else so I think it’s clean.

If it’s been nicked from anyone else, I apologise profusely. If it hasn’t, enjoy.

(Incidentally since this strip appeared on Comics Sherpa, I’ve seen Rory the lamb in Ralph Hagen’s strip ‘The Barn’ travel around on a beach ball. That makes me feel a bit better.)

Catsan

Originally published 14 July 2010

The background’s a bit unsuccessful here - it was an attempt to show the sandstone cliffs at Hastings, but it was done without any photographic reference, so it’s ended up looking all wrong. Those cliffs should be at least 60 feet high - but they look more like the banks of a dried up river.

Meet the beach

Originally published 12 July 2010

Some cats and a beach. All I need now is a balding bloke in a bow tie and I would have had the premise to Buzza Wuzza, but no, I missed that chance and decided to start in a ghost and blue quadrilateral doctor-free universe.

The strip is set in my home town of Hastings, and Hastings has a beach (though we don’t like to tell anyone it’s entirely made out to pebbles until they have made the journey here), so it would be a waste not to use it. . So once a year Smith and Jones make the mile-long trek to the sea.

I think at this point we have a generic beach, hence the sand - the strip would gradually become more geographically accurate as the story went on.

Deckchair

I considered entering Hastings' design-a-deckchair competition last year. My idea was to have a normal striped deckchair, but to have a picture of Smith printed on the seat, curled up, and looking up with a single eye, thinking "Do you mind? This is MY chair!".

Can I also say that deckchairs aren't just difficult to put up - they're a pig to draw as well!

Boing!

The trampolines on Hastings seafront, next to the beach volleyball court and behind the Pirate Adventure Golf course. And my little tribute to the film A Hard Days Night.

Splash!

It's that time of the year again. Welcome to Hastings seafront. This year we'll be nosing around some of the other attractions along the prom, not just the beach. But first of all, let's give Smith and Jones a reason not to stay on the shore...

Groyne!

Thanks to longshore drift, the south coast of Great Britain is gradually working its way eastward one pebble at a time. Coastal defences have been put in place in Hastings in a vain attempt to keep our beach from drifting off in the direction of Dungeness, but that still doesn't stop the council from having to bring huge earth movers in every now and again to dig the beach up and put it back where they found it.

Another method of keeping the beach in position is the groyne. A groyne is a sort of fence running perpendicular to the coastline that attempts to keep the pebbles in position by limiting the amount of space that the pebbles have to move in. It usually means that pebbles get removed from the west side of the groyned off stretch of beach and end up piled against the east side, which means the beach levels on either side of a groyne can be wildly different. As today's dog has just found out.

Rowr!

My definition of what happiness looks like is a dog on a beach. It's a pity Jones is in too grumpy a mood to appreciate it.

I think the ball was thrown by a French tourist, judging by the sound effect it makes when landing. 'Paf' is very Asterix. However, the dog must be English, as it's nor running off going 'Woooaaah! Woooaah!'

A flock of seagulls

No, not the band that were 60% hair lacquer and 40% wheezy synth music. This is the real thing.

Yesterday I decided to get some sausages and chips from the chip shop (the Blue Dolphin in the Old Town - one of Hastings' many fabulous chippies) and eat them on the beach. On the way over there I dropped a sausage, so I put it to one side - I'd throw it away as soon as I came across a waste bin.

Then the seagulls saw me. Maybe it was the white newsprint the chips were wrapped in that attracted them. It started off with one hovering beside me. Then another, and another. By the time I'd reached the waves there were about 20 malevolent white birds following me, riding the breezee and waiting for their moment.

I sat on the beach and ate. The birds settled in a flock in front of me and watched. Finally there was just the dropped sausage left. I decided to break one of the big rules of seaside living - the one that goes DO NOT FEED THE GULLS.

I tore off a bit of sausage and threw it into the air. All the gulls were suddenly aloft and one of them caught the sausage in mid air. On the second bit of sausage I made a discovery. It is possible to chuck a bit of sausage into the melée, bounce it off one gull's head, and still have another catch it and eat it. I discovered I was able to set up a chain reaction - by the time I ran out of sausage I managed set a record of getting the sausage to ricochet off three separate gulls before the fourth caught it and ate it.

Most amazing of all. As soon as I ran out of sausage, the gulls settled down onto the beach and ignored me. I was allowed off the beach without being mobbed.

Maybe it was my attitude towards the gulls that saved me. They knew I wasn't afraid of them, and I gave them their tribute in the end. I've seen gulls mob terrified tourists for their chips - I won't be doing it again.

This entire run of strips was based on a pair of seagulls I saw on Rock-a-Nore, the road that runs in the strip between the cliffs and the fishing beach, fighting over a fish head and totally oblivious to the traffic that was backed up on either side of them trying to get past without flattening them.

Millie 22

Daily Mirror, Saturday August 25 1990.

This is where the story really starts. I'd been pestering the Daily Mirror to go daily for six months by this time. As far as they were concerned I was serving out a period of apprenticeship. They wanted to make sure that I could sustain the treadmill that a daily strip can become before entrusting one to me.

This strip, which is essentially an entire week's worth of strips distilled down into six single panels with a punchline in each one, was what finally persuaded them I was ready. Two weeks later Millie started appearing on a Monday-Saturday schedule.

The colour scheme in frame two effectively hides a vital bit of information for deciphering the joke. Obscured behind the red stripe on the brim of Gemma's hat are the words 'Kiss Me Quick', a traditional slogan found on hats sold at the coast. They don't appear anywhere inland. I don't know why. They don't sell rock-candy reproductions of full English breakfasts more that 100 yards away from the sea either. I feel a geography thesis coming on...

The Moo for England shirt Sammi is holding up was a reference that that year's must have fashion item  the Inspiral Carpets' 'Mad as Fuck' T-shirt with the picture of the mad cow on it.

Moo.

Feel the Dynamic Tension in frame four.

This was also the summer of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Hero Turtles, name-checked as an ice cream flavour in frame five. The country was in the grip of Turtlemania and the syndicated strip had started to appear in the Daily Mirror, and continued to appear for about a year until the fad blew itself out after a disappointing movie sequel. Note the name change, made after a tabloid scare story about five year old kids throwing nunchucks about. These unnecessary name changes happen occasionally. Top Cat became Boss Cat in the UK because his name was the same as a brand of cat food (though the theme song stayed exactly the same).

All the ice cream vans in Kent and Sussex come from a lair in Hastings. I know this because if I get stuck behind one on the way to work in Tunbridge Wells I usually end up arriving ten minutes late.

Teasers for July 2011

Once a year Smith and Jones make the trek down to the beach here at Hastings. This year they will discover not just sun and sand, but something even better...

Some photo reference for this summer's story...