Mantelpiece

Originally published 2 August 2010

This is very much based on my own mantelpiece - minus the ugly clock/golfing trophy. Based on Smudge’s ability to thread her way through a crowded mantelpiece without disturbing anything at all, a skill that so far totally eludes Billy and Bella.

100 metres

The editor of one of the magazines I work for in real life and I were both given a copy of the 2013 Workman Publications page a day cat calendar for Christmas last year. Both working in publishing, we look at it with the jaundiced eye of media professionals (hem hem), and we both think that while the standard of photography is as high as ever, this year they left it to someone on work experience to write the captions. Most of them are on the level of "This tabby's lustrous eyes reflect the glory of a New England Fall", but occasionally a useful nugget of information appears. Such as this one...

Snooker

The game is snooker, not billiards. It's a hugely popular televised sport* in the UK, and it fascinates cats. Cholmondeley used to be transfixed by the sight of balls rolling into pockets, but his favourite bits were the cues, which would waggle around enticingly on the screen. I've seen him have a crafty paw at the screen when he thinks no-one'slooking several times.

*Yes. It's televised as a 'sport' in England. As are lawn bowls and darts. Don't expect too much from our athletes at the Olympics this year.

2012 ®

I've used the words 2012, London and Olympics in this strip - hopefully the ODA (Olympic Delivery Authority) and LOCOG (The London Organising Committeefor the Olympic Games) won't notice. I may get away with it as I'm not actually selling anything, but woe betide any company that dares to mention the Olympics, however obliquely, in their advertising unless they've paid a kings ransom in sponsorship money.

Advertisers cannot use any two of the following terms together: 'Games', 'Two thousand and twelve', '2012' and 'Twenty twelve'. Neither can they use one of those terms in conjunction with any of: 'Gold', 'Silver', 'Bronze', 'London', 'Medals', 'Sponsors', 'Summer'. Breaking the terms of the Act could result in a £20,000 fine.

So from now on I'm referring to this summer's event as "the Big City in Britain Year After 2011 Every Four Yearly Greek Sports Cluster". (TM)

Millie Week 10

If the last week's cartoon wasn't based on experience, this one definitely is. I hated sports (or 'games' as it was officially called, in a effort to diminish the sadism and make it sound no more harmless than a game of Ludo) when I was at secondary school. Rugby during the autumn term, Hockey in the spring term and Cricket in the summer term. To this day I'm still not entirely sure of the rules of either of those sports - but to summarise:

Rugby is cold and wet and violent played on a muddy pitch with the consistency of soup.
Hockey is cold and wet and violent and played with weapons on a frozen pitch with the consistency of iron.
Cricket is boring, and you will get hit by a cricket ball in the nuts.

I became an expert at forgetting my kit. 

Eventually the teachers realised I wasn't cut out for team games and allowed me out to go cross country running instead. Well, they called it running - actually so long as we completed the course they set and checked in with the teacher at the most distant part of the course they didn't care how we did it.