Quiz

Written in New Mexico during an afternoon where Linda's mum was watching the Game Show Network, a TV station I find strangely compelling because it shows mirror universe versions of shows I already know from UK TV. Who was that presenter of Family Feud in the 1970s, and was he actually as creepy as he seems? Does it seem strange to you that there are 25 actresses in LA who's only job is to stand behind a numbered box? On The Chase, how did an affable chubby man from Devon come to be called 'the Beast'? 

Make up your own questions to these answers. Obviously, the third one is a Jeopardy answer in the style of a question (Jeopardy never made it over here) and the last answer is a small area adjacent to the City of London where the city police had no authority, and which inspired Madness' highly recommended comeback album.

The still on the telly is of Pointless, my fave quiz show of the moment.

MTM

Probably inspired by memories of this...

Scandinavian Noir

Originally published 13 September 2010

If I wasn’t doing reruns at the moment, I’d be running this strip upside down or playing some sort of practical joke today, what with it being Friday 13th.  But instead we have a Scrumpy strip, professing his love for the terminal gloom of Scandinavian Noir TV.

Actually, he’s referring to the BBC remake of the original Swedish shows, which occasionally break with tradition by having some scenes filmed while the sun is actually out. Another plus is that some of the shows have my old friend Roz Smith (under her stage name of Jessica Lloyd) playing Dr Malmstrom, the police mortician.

Widescreen

Originally published 23 June 2010

If only the BBC broadcast it side on, now TVs are the right shape for it. Alas it still insists in giving us at the same old overhead from one end vista it has since the dawn of TV.

Jones' favourite show

The only way the real world imposes itself on the cats in this strip is through the TV set, which is why I use photographs and screenshots on the TV screen. Well, that's how I explain it now - it was originally a device I used to save having to draw caricatures of famous people. The irony is, the picture research takes twice as long as it would to do the drawing.

Show

This is what comes of living with an American, you pick up their speech patterns without realising it. No-one would say "Watching your rodent show, Jones?" in England. We'd say "Watching your rodent programme". Shows are light entertainment, but a documentary is definitely a programme.

I'm OK with spiders, but my wife isn't. I think she's not used to the size of the house spiders we get in England. In New Mexico the spiders tend to be fairly small and crunchy - in England they can be two inches across and substantial enough for their footfalls to be audible on parquet flooring. They're harmless (unless you're a fly) but they can give you a funny turn if you unexpectedly find one in the bath.

If you want to make me run screaming from the room in abject trouser dampening terror, just show me a picture of a Praying Mantis. I don't know what it is about them that terrifies me - may be it's the fact that that head has no right to stay balanced on shoulders that small. That and the way they STARE...

Life on Earth

I dropped into the Tunbridge Wells branch of Waterstones* in my lunchbreak a couple of weeks ago, to find the place absolutely heaving with shoppers. You couldn't reach any of the bookshelves because there were tight packs of people sitting down on the floor taking up any space they could find. A few teenage boys stood blinking in the middle of the biography section, intimidated by the smell of expensive coffee and paper, trying to decide whether to stay or to flee. A line of people stretched out of the shop, up the pedestrian precinct and around the corner into Monson Road. In sub zero temperatures. Obviously there was a book signing about to happen, but who could it be? Normally three people turn up to a Waterstones signing, if the author's lucky. I remember being the only person to turn up to a signing by Paul Theroux once, and us both being very embarrassed about it. Obviously this must have been a draw several notches up from the best travel writer of the past half century... who could it be?

It was Sir David Attenborough, broadcaster, naturalist and national treasure. If I hadn't had to return to work I would have joined the back of the queue myself. He wasn't due to turn up at the store for another two hours!

If you haven't seen his latest Africa series yet, I recommend it. Then join the queue to buy the book.

*Sort of a UK version of Barnes and Noble, the bookshop chain that has eaten all the other bookshops.

Sport for all

Anyone noticed how the more people say they love watching sport, the less likely they are to actually play it? Your average football fan would be hard pressed to get up from the sofa to change the channel back to Sky Sports after he's just sat on the remote with his voluminous arse. Tennis fans also have a tendency to sit in darkened rooms for the entirety of Wimbledon fortnight.

I should speak. I've been glued to the Tour de France for the past three weeks*, but I haven't been on my bike at all this year.

*I am of course, writing this two weeks before publication - so from my current perspective we're only half way through the race and two British riders from Team Sky are first and second respectively... I wonder if we've won yet...

Zapper

BBC2 vs Channel 4.

Snooker

The game is snooker, not billiards. It's a hugely popular televised sport* in the UK, and it fascinates cats. Cholmondeley used to be transfixed by the sight of balls rolling into pockets, but his favourite bits were the cues, which would waggle around enticingly on the screen. I've seen him have a crafty paw at the screen when he thinks no-one'slooking several times.

*Yes. It's televised as a 'sport' in England. As are lawn bowls and darts. Don't expect too much from our athletes at the Olympics this year.

Big Screen

Curry's is the British equivalent of Best Buy, and masters at the selling of totally unnecessary product insurance.

Christmas viewing

Forget the turkey, if BBC America isn't showing the Doctor Who Christmas special on Christmas night there's going to be an international incident...

•They are, at 9/8c, whatever that means. What is that in mountain time?