Citroen

Originally published: March 12 2010
I have a soft spot for Citroen, the eccentric French car manufacturer, so don't take this strip to be a criticism. This looks at a car strictly from a cat's point of view. Cats just look for four things in a car:

1) Can I fit on the bonnet?
2) Is the bonnet warm?
3) Does it show up paw prints really well?
4) Is it so cramped inside that I can't be taken to the vets?

The C1 is great car in its petrol form. The electric version less so. The technology wasn't ready then - I'm still not convinced the technology is ready now. Its time will come, say in twenty years time, once range, recharging and infrastructure problems have been sorted out - though it still does leave the question of how the electricity that runs the cars gets generated in the first place. Go down the energy chain far enough and your green Prius is probably powered by a coal burning power station.

Top Gear

Originally published: March 10 2010

Yes, I am a fan of Top Gear. It's one of the best situation comedies on the television - the story of three men who never quite grew up sitting in a shed bickering with one another, and occasionally driving a car. Though (and I know this is sacrilege to some people) I prefer the US version of the show, as they spend more time driving cars, and the presenters haven't become caricatures of themselves yet.

It's a pretty poor representation of the Jaguar XF, but then it is possibly the blandest looking car Jaguar have ever produced. Subsequent models like the XJ and F-Type have rectified this, but the XF just has nothing about it that makes it stand out from the crowd apart from a certain lumbering size. And a comfy bonnet. And a cat would like a Jaguar, wouldn't he?

Mini

'The plague of footsies' is something that every new car in our street has to undergo. A gleaming new car gets parked in our street and overnight it gets covered in footprints. It's not just the cats that get involved. I think the cats start it off and then pass on the job to the foxes, the seagulls, and finally, the pair of badgers that live in our communal garden.

There's nothing worse than an oily cat.

The car is based on an Alfa Romeo, or, as I suppose we'd better start calling them now, a Chrysler. When they inevitably make their crossover vehicle, I imagine it will look as misshapen as this. And, being an Alfa under the skin, it will break down five minutes after leaving the showroom.